Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dick very happy bro
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
