Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
