watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
