Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
