you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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