did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize