Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Even my vagina gasped.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
