I hate your face
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
