I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
