dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
