I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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