I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
