I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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