That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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