they need to just BURY HIM!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
