What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
