it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
