weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
