YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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