New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
being pregnant is like rehab
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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