i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
