No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
