i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
