You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
