so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize