I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
