drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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