My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
