I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
