there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize