you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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