and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
