Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
