i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
