If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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