i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
