Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize