this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Michael Bay diarrhea
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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