After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
