I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
