Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
