i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
