I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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