you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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