Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
