grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
