why didn't you poke me back
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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