dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize