I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
