Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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