How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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