I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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