Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
