I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
