Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
