the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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