I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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