Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
