I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
