my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
4 words: hood of his car
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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