and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
