My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
