I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize