I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
