Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
