If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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