So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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